*crazy post warning*
MILF is a common term (thank you American Pie) that has been used ad nauseam for the past 10+ years to describe a mother one would like to bang. If Stifler can fantasize about shag-able maternal ladies, then I’m gonna lay out the list of paternal fellas I’d love to, ahem, lay out. I give to you, all the DILFs.
9. Colin Firth - Obviously, Bridget Jones introduced me to this charming, British stud (I still have yet to watch that beloved Pride & Prejudice). I have no idea what he’s like in real life (where he is a father), but the fact that he was able to become Mark Darcy, and his accent, and his slightly tousled appearance, make me want to dig out some “genuinely tiny knickers.”
8. Russell Crowe - I first fell for the brutish Aussie in L.A. Confidential, where he was the tough, damaged, psycho/gentle Bud White. I’ve harbored the hots for him throughout the years, of course as Gladiator, but even when he’s uglied up, as in The Insider (which is a f-ing PHENOMENAL film you need to add to your queue STAT). Now he’s married and has a couple of kids, and still seems gruff and handsome, with that killer accent. I think the phrase “ugly Australian” has to be an oxymoron; that whole continent is populated with sexy.
7. David Duchovny - Oh my god, Fox Mulder! One of my first true TV loves. I remember being DEVASTATED when he got married to Tea Leoni. *crazy teen* I’ll never forget him tearing the academic shit up on Celebrity Jeopardy – dude is smart, he went to Yale. He’s definitely the brainy/sexy guy on this list. I know he went a bit haywire for a while, but I still think he’s pretty much the man.
6. Coach Eric Taylor - First off, Friday Night Lights is one of the greatest shows ever to grace a television screen. You owe it to yourself to enhance your life experience by watching it, for many reasons, one of them being the beloved coach, played with quiet intensity by the way adorable Kyle Chandler. Those crumpled, kind-as-hell eyes, the tough love, knowing he’ll always be there for you – it’s all too much to bear. His series finale gift to his wife proves him to be one of the greatest, most supportive, loyal, and generous husbands known to televison-dom. He seems too wholesome to even partake in sexytime, which makes him all the more appealing.
5. Don Draper - Mad Men‘s leading lothario is a complete prick, a better parent than his wife (although that isn’t saying a helluva lot), brings home the big bucks, and is the essence of tall, dark, and handsome. He’s the baddest, most mysterious boy on my list. Oh damn, what would Don Draper do? I’m pretty sure rock your world, smoke a cig, and abandon you. Swoon!!!!
4 – 2. Bill Murray/Kevin Kline/Bill Pullman - I am throwing these guys together because they’re all over the age of 58 (don’t judge me), are all fathers, and all possess that aged, charming sexiness – like a fine wine. I’ve taken some HEAT over the years for my Murray adoration, but he’s the master, the MASTER of dry wit, which gives me (and gajillions of other ladies, for that matter) the quivers. Kline and Pullman are great actors, terribly handsome, and you can just shut up.
And now, the grandaddy of them all… 1. Captain VonTrapp - The original, and ultimate DILF. Georg is the strong, silent, brooding type. He’s powerful, can sing!, is mean as hell to his kids, and possesses this sexy-stern, intense gaze that makes me want to practice some private do-re-mis with 60s era Christopher Plummer. Zomg! The scene in the garden between him and Julie Andrews?! Mystical, dreamy, fairy-tale perfection of my DILF-loving dreams.