We’re now two episodes into the third season of Glee, and I’m feeling the need to eliminate this show from my DVR scheduler. Unfortunately, due to my many neuroses, I’m pretty much chained to it, by a pair of invisible Nielsen handcuffs. Here’s my “I Wish I Could Break Up With You” love letter (er, novel) to my current least-favorite show:Dear Glee,
Why do I still watch you? You aren’t funny anymore. At all. I still don’t understand how you were nominated for best COMEDY at the EMMY’S. Regardless, I used to love you. Like, luuuuuuuuuve you. A long time ago, you would consistently make me laugh, cry, give me chills, goosebumps, and make my heart soar with your awesome musical numbers. You have some extremely talented, interesting characters who had (or so I thought) many layers to their personalities.
You had soooo much going for you. You took a storyline about a woman FAKING HER PREGNANCY and made it not only believable, but understandable. (Can’t believe I just typed that last sentence) I sympathized with the evil, crazy bitch that was Terri Schuester. I laughed when she acted like a spoiled brat, but I also felt bad for her plight of just wanting to be closer to her hubby. I hated what she did to Will, but I got it. And to tell a story like that, successfully, takes skill. The scene where Will discovers the truth was like, hardcore for a musical show, and about as real as you’ve ever been.
The music = magic. It’s always been another cast member, and you treated it as such, and helped make each song your own. You mixed up current hits, pop culture standards, indie favorites, and tons of show tunes. You took a shitty Kelly Clarkson song that I hated desperately and turned it into something I now belt at the top of my lungs. This awesome love profession montage happy-on-steroids scene made that happen for me. You used to be able to do work this voodoo on most songs you attempted. See: “Halo/Walking on Sunshine” mashup, “Defying Gravity”, “Don’t Stop Believin'”, “Bad Romance”, “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, pretty much the entire Madonna episode… the list goes on.
BUT: With the start of last season, you kind of went off the rails. Your songs lost their enchanting quality. The only ones that stuck out were Blaine’s “Teenage Dream” and the Kurt/Rachel duet of “For Good.” I found myself, as each episode aired, going, “meh.” I know your cast works really hard, and it seems like everybody’s having a great time, and giving it their all, but you gave up one key point to making a story be, um, any good. Continuity.
There is LITERALLY. (Chris Traeger voice) NO. CONTINUITY. BETWEEN. CHARACTERS. OR. STORYLINES. NONE. I no longer care who is dating who or who is joining which club or quitting which club or going to nationals or trying to destroy the club because you have taught me that IT DOESN’T MATTER. EVERYTHING WILL BE 100% DIFFERENT ON NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE.
You brought in Gwyneth Paltrow, whose “Holly Holiday” made me bored and cringey. You hooked up Lauren Zizes with Puck, and while I appreciate the sentiment, (and wished things like that happened in real life) it just didn’t make sense. You made us believe, in a really touching move, that the kids singing at Sue’s sister’s funeral showed the promise of a truce or at least a bit more respect for the club on Sue’s part (and Lynch is more than up for the challenge), but NO. New season, same old one-note hatred. Honestly, how many times can we be expected to watch as she “tries to shut the club down.” It’s getting OLD. Old as time, and we’re only on season three.
Don’t even get me started on Will/Emma. You took a marvelous potential relationship with heart and soul and obsessive compulsive disorder and just abandoned it, for no reason other than “they can’t be together this soon in the series.” Now that they’re “together” (seriously, when did that even happen?!?! At episode one last week, I was like, huh? Did I miss something?), I no longer care.
The only thing I’ve enjoyed from you has been anything having to do with a gay character. Chris Colfer continues to be one of my favorites, and the addition of Blaine as his boyfriend is probably the smartest thing you could have done. Darren Criss is a phenomenal performer who makes my heart (and panties) swell with happiness at the sight of him. I find their relationship to be kind of inspiring – they’re certainly the healthiest couple amidst a sea of dysfunctional wackjobs. The only storylines last year that had any true depth and realism were Santana coming to terms with her bi-sexuality, and the (seriously scary) drama regarding the closeted Karofsky harassing Kurt.
Please, for the love of EVERYTHING HOLY, stop doing a complete 360 of every single storyline for every single episode. Make your characters stay true to who they are. Quit flaunting in magazines that certain kids are leaving, then changing your mind. The kids have to graduate, but we can still follow them in their new lives – the show can have more than one set, ya know. Stop being so damned silly. This is not a kid’s show. You want us to take you lightly enough to believe the hare-brained schemes and jokes, yet seriously enough to touch on real-life issues facing kids today (and adults for that matter), and that’s a tough tightrope to walk. You need a better balance pole.
As much as I want to – I’ll never stop believin’ – so please give me somethin’ to believe in With love (reluctantly), ~Annie