I Love You, Bro Montana

Knocked Wanderlust off my ‘To Watch’ list this weekend and a review is on the way but first, in honor of the OUTSTANDING performance Paul Rudd gave in it – he stole every scene –  I thought I’d compile a list of his funniest roles and their best lines:

1. George, Wanderlust – The entire several minute-long scene in which Rudd gives himself an incredibly bizarre pep talk in an effort to psych himself up for a sexual encounter he does NOT desire.  In it, he speaks with a George W.-like accent and specifically addresses his penis.  It’s the funniest scene I’ve seen since first witnessing Maya Rudolph shit in the street.

2. Peter Klavin, I Love You, Man – There’s honestly too many great lines to list here but I’ll give a few examples: “Totes McGotes.”  “Latress on the menjay!”  And that hilarious impression of a reggae singer that sounded just like a leprechaun.  Priceless.

3. Kunu (Chuck), Forgetting Sarah Marshall – “You sound like you’re from London!”

4. Pete, Knocked-Up – “I want to put you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.”

5. Danny, Role Models – “I bet if I suggested a game of Quidditch he’d cum in his pants.”

6. David, The 40 Year-Old Virgin – “If I hear Ya Mo Be There one more time, I’m gonna Ya Mo burn this place to the ground.”

~Nikki

2012 Academy Awards LIVEBLOG

This is some seriously delicious berry sangria I am drinking

My house is packed, the spread is INTENSE (I wish you all were here, god knows I’ve got enough food for an army), and we’re ready to rant/gush!  Our latest thoughts are at the top of the page.  Hit refresh to keep up with the gab!!

  • 11:46pm That’s it for this year!  Thanks everyone for stopping by!!  Hope you had fun!
  • 11:40m Best speech of the night, hands down, Meryl Streep.  We hail you!!
  • 11:37pm I guess I’d better see The Artist!
  • 11:32pm Meryl Streep: the embodiment of elegance and grace.
  • 11:29pm FINALLY!!!!!!!  Yay!!!!  Meryl Streep!!!!!
  • 11:20pm I think we’ve seen the sternum of every chick in the Kodak tonight.  Well…except Melissa McCarthy.  Thank you, MM, for being a normal woman.
  • 11:18pm What’d I tell ya?  The Artist takes the house.
  • 11:15pm Man, there is some major ass-kissing this year.  Are they still not over getting their feelings hurt at last year’s Golden Globes?  It’s no wonder they have egos the size of small continents.
  • 11:12pm Hosting the Oscars should be Billy Crystal’s job, permanently.
  • 11:10pm No Little Sebastian???  Leslie will not stand for this!
  • 11:07pm R.I.P. Whitney and Colombo
  • 10:58pm I had no idea the Academy fetishized Oprah.  That woman should be elevated to god status already.
  • 10:55pm Aww, Meryl Streep.  Not loving the dress, but she is the epitome of class.
  • 10:53pm Well, that all but seals it, The Artist is gonna take it.
  • 10:44pm Were those coffee beans, or vaginas?
  • 10:42: Well, we’ve got a new drinking game. Why weren’t we doing this all night?!?!
  • 10:39pm OHHHHHHH WIN BRIDESMAIDS! Kristen Wiig looks gorgeous. You know what? They all do.
  • 10:31pm Oh Edward Norton. And Borat, you got blacklisted but you’re still in a montage. I HATE THIS MUSIC.
  • 10:26pm I can see so many of Angelina Jolie’s veins, I want to draw blood from them. And then wear it in a vial around my neck.
  • 10:25pm Angelina Jolie looks like. SHIT. Her elbow will CUT YOU.
  • 10:17pm Zach G is channelling Ron Swanson tonight.
  • 10:11pm Billy Crystal is really doing a bang-up job. Seriously.
  • 10:10pm SNOOZEFEST.
  • 10:08pm Angelina Jolie is HORRIFYING. HORRIFYING.
  • 10:03pm My Oscar party could ONLY be better if Christopher Plummer and Helen Mirren were ACTUALLY HERE in this room.
  • 10:01pm YAY! WHAT a fucking class act!!!! Oh Captain VonTrapp, you are the smoothest operator around.
  • 10:00pm Can’t wait for Christopher Plummer’s unbelievably classy ass speech :)
  • 9:59pm Melissa Leo’s dress is mother of the bride circa 1982.
  • 9:58pm Hopefully Melissa Leo is anti-crazy this year.
  • 9:54pm Is Emma Stone drunk? She’s cute as shit though.
  • 9:43pm I think Madonna and Gwenyth Paltrow are in a competition to see which could make themselves look the most like Gollum.
  • 9:42pm Is RDJ channeling Joaquin Pheonix??  I would totally watch “The Presenter.”
  • 9:39pm Cirque De Soliel, bitches.
  • 9:35pm I Love the Muppets!!!  I became a scientist because of Beeker for god’s sake.
  • 9:29pm  Drinking delicious berry sangria. Mmmm.
  • 9:22pm Bradley Cooper + Tina Fey is wrong.
  • 9:22pm That  focus group bit was great. GREAT.
  • 9:20pm It’s the Christopher Guest gang!
  • 9:15pm What is with the PORN MUSIC.
  • 9:13pm AWWWWWWWWWWWWW THIS IS CUTE X INFINITY standing O for O!
  • 9:10pm I wish Melissa McCarthy would win but it’ll be Octavia Spencer
  • 9:01pm Well, that “first picture I saw” montage was weird but kinda cute. I have no idea what the first movie I saw was.
  • 8:59pm I despise Meryl Streep’s dress. Despise. I’m sorry. Melanie Griffiths is trying to be Joan Rivers, apparently.
  • 8:58pm are you guys SERIOUSLY COMPARING ASSES. Iron Lady, homies I’m 3 for 3 I think…
  • 8:54pm JLO LOOKS LIKE SHE DID IN THE CELL AND HER NIPPLE IS ESCAPING.
  • 8:53pm this montage is SO. CHEESY. But I love it. I’ll have what she’s having.
  • 8:52pm MONTAGE TIME SWOON
  • 8:44pm Damn they’re just firing these off, aren’t they, and why is Tom Hanks BROWN.
  • 8:44pm Cinematography, first? Changin’ things up dawg
  • 8:43pm It’s hard to fill Jennifer Lopez’s seat. OUCH.
  • 8:42pm Billy Crystal has still got it.
  • 8:39pm Chapter 11 theater.  Even the Kodak theater isn’t immune to this goddamn recession.  Ugh.  Maybe all those 1%ers in the audience could do something about that.  Just sayin’.
  • 8:37pm Did you see John Goodman?  Have I ever mentioned I love him?  No, never?  Well, I love him.  Like, LOVE him.
  • 8:35pm I can’t stand watching Billy Crystal eat shit.  I just can’t.
  • 8:33pm Is this the villa???  I love Billy Crystal!!!
  • 8:22pm I love Jess Cagle. Also, I have subscribed to EW for like, 10 years. So, yeah.
  • 8:30pm FUCK NATALIE PORTMAN LOOKS PERFECT. WHYYYYYYYYY
  • 8:15pm We’re having sexy times, apparently. I hate Bullock’s dress.
  • 8:12pm Brad Pitt looks like Legends of the Fall
  • 8:11pm I really, REALLY, REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY don’t get Clooney and Kiebler.
  • 8:03pm Is Bradley Cooper gonna be in Miami Vice?? The fuck?
  • 8:01pm Another war: Nikki claims Cameron Diaz is a butterface, some of us say no. Thoughts?
  • 7:54pm Zach Galifinakis looks so damn cute with his beard. Why does everybody get to lose weight but me? Oh, cause I’m eating cheese curds.
  • 7:53pm NICK NOLTE. WHAT.
  • 7:44pm I’m over Manny. Sorry. Although no one else here is. There is much hate for Annie right now from the Manny lovers.
  • 7:42pm Oh god, just came. Thanks Colin!
  • 7:41pm We are having a battle over Tina Fey’s hair and dress. Some love, some hate. Thoughts?
  • 7:39pm Did Annie Mumolo lose like, a lot of weight? She looks KILLER FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! Woah. As I eat my cheese curds :(
  • 7:37pm A guest of mine just made FRIED CHEESE CURDS AND THEY’RE BLOWING MY MIND!!!
  • 7:36pm Melissa McCarthy fills me with happiness and joy
  • 7:34 What is this mom segment?!! PRECIOUS!!
  • 7:30pm Random tidbit: Ewan McGregor shows his junk constantly in films because he claims that since women are always nakey, he’s trying to make up for it. :) :) :)
  • 7:26pm Viola Davis’s hubby looks like an older Wayne Brady! Her dress: Love the color, not the bust. Even though her tits are rockin’.
  • 7:24pm Ohhhh Octavia Spencer looks gorgeous, as does Jessica Chastain…
  • 7:22pm HI!!!!!

~Annie & Nikki

2012 Oscar Predictions

Voting for the Oscar party tonight, and yep, those are swag bags in the background

 

 

I know you are all waiting, with bated breath, to see what my picks are for this year’s Academy Awards.  I do a ballot pool at my annual party, where you fill out your ballot IN ITS ENTIRETY and toss $5 into a pot.  Whoever gets the most categories right wins the cash.  You should know, I’ve never won (although I usually do OK), but I feel good about my picks this year.  Feel free to use these for your own Oscar pool :)

I don’t have the energy to list every single nominee, so I’m just going to note what’s getting my vote – precisely, what I THINK will win, not what I WANT to win.  There’s a difference. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Costume Design: The Artist
  • Directing: Michael Hazanavicius (The Artist)
  • Documentary Feature: Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory
  • Documentary Short: Incident in New Baghdad
  • Film Editing: The Artist
  • Foreign Language Film: In Darkness
  • Makeup: The Iron Lady
  • Original Score: The Artist
  • Original Song: “Man or Muppet” from The Muppets
  • Animated Short Film: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
  • Live Action Short Film: The Shore
  • Sound Editing: Hugo
  • Sound Mixing: Hugo
  • Visual Effects: Hugo
  • Adapted Screenplay: Moneyball
  • Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris
  • Cinematography: Hugo
  • Art Direction: Hugo
  • Animated Feature: Chico & Rita
  • Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer in The Help
  • Leading Actress: Viola Davis in The Help
  • Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer in Beginners
  • Leading Actor: Jean Dujardin in The Artist
  • Best Picture: The Artist..

…which I STILL HAVEN’T SEEN! *facepalm, general frustration with life, because the theater nearest me got rid of this movie 2 weeks ago*

~Annie

PS: Check out our liveblog TONIGHT!!  7:30ISH EST!  You know you wish you got invited to a cool Oscar party, but it’s a Sunday night and you don’t want to leave your couch… so don’t…. and come to ours!!

You’re Unbelievable

It’s no secret that I adore nearly every word Jane Austen ever wrote.  Even though I read Persuasion, the last of Austen’s published novels, 4 or 5 years ago, I just got around to seeing the 2007 film adaptation that the BBC produced last weekend.  I had no expectations other than to get lost in the English countryside, the language of long ago and the rigid propriety of traditional British culture.  What I found was a gorgeous piece of cinematography that captured every bit of the charisma, the romance and the suspense of the novel written nearly 200 years ago.  Austen managed (all the while very ill, by the way – she died shortly after finishing Persuasion, before it was even published) to capture yet again the folly of human beings, the absurdity of those members of society who consider themselves innately above others of lesser consequence and the richness of the people in this world who truly rise above such nonsense and make our species worth our salt.

England happened to be on the brink of a social revolution in 1818 when Austen wrote this gem and she made her opinions known in the hero of this tale, Captain Frederick Wentworth.  Wentworth began life in relative poverty and proposed to his beloved Anne Elliot, the daughter of a baronet, shortly before joining the Navy.  Anne’s father insisted she not marry the young Wentworth because of his lack of financial means and, being young and impressionable, Anne allowed him to persuade her to reject him despite her love for him.  More than seven years later, Captain Wentworth has moved up the ranks of the British Navy and made a considerable fortune, establishing himself as a successful, self-made man.  At the time, wealth earned rather than wealth inherited was looked down upon by the aristocracy.  Austen must have thought such a notion ridiculous, since her Captain Wentworth proved on every other page to be an intelligent, honorable man with whom the solemn Anne Elliot was still very much in love, even after a separation of nearly eight years.

When I read this, I, too became smitten with Captain Wentworth.  After seeing the film starring Rupert Penry-Jones as the swoon-worthy naval officer, I fell in love.  Why have I not seen Rupert Penry-Jones before?  Although Mr. Darcy is the finest man ever written, Captain Wentworth is indeed a very close second and Penry-Jones truly did him justice.  I may have even drooled.

I wonder if Austen was able to write such bewitching men like Darcy and Wentworth because she knew similar men (we write what we know, as they say) or if these superb characters were figments of her imagination that perhaps mirrored everything she fantasized about in a man.  Characters like the abominable Edward Cullen of the Twilight series are obviously the adolescent fantasies of bored housewives but men like Darcy and Wentworth, while capable of making the ladies fall head over feet, are characters of substance, not just reflections of every little girl’s knight in shining armor fantasy.  They have flaws, they have egos (as ALL men do), their feelings gets hurt, they hold grudges…but they get over those bruised egos and rise above their flaws and they go after the girl they can’t stand to live without.  And, thanks to Austen, they manage to say all the right things.  If Austen knew no such men in her life on whom to model her characters and instead created these men wholly from her imagination to capture all she thought ideal in a man, at least these were the fantasies of a full-grown, smart, creative and quick-witted woman.

What do you think: could men as insanely irresistible as Mr. Darcy and Captain Wentworth have actually existed?  Or are they nothing more than the Edward Cullens of the 19th century?

~Nikki

P.S. Be sure to tune in during the Oscars tomorrow night for our liveblog!!!

Hang A Shining Star Upon Downton Abbey

*Do NOT read this if you aren’t caught up with the entirety of season 2 of Downton Abbey!  There be spoilers here*

ZOMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD was the season 2 finale, a.k.a “The Christmas Episode” of Downton Abbey, amazing!  Amazeballs!  AH-MA-ZING.  So wonderful, that I just want to yammer on about it for a few paragraphs or so. :)

Source: hitfix.com, ITV

Let me just get this out of the way first:  Season 2 is not without its faults.  Sorta batshit plotlines (the mysterious burn victim/cousin/shyster Patrick/Peter) some semi-worthless plotlines (Ethel’s monstrous baby?), characters losing their minds (ain’t NO WAY Lord G would make out with a maid in a closet while his wife’s nasal cavity is HEMMORRHAGING), and pacing dilemmas (the second to last episode was INSANE.  Like, InSaNe.  I couldn’t sum up the quantity of shit that went down in that one episode if I tried – and I know it aired differently in the UK so it didn’t seem as rushed, but this is how PBS shows it to us hillbillies, so we have to take what we can get :() Not to mention the martyrization (that is an actual word, mother fuckers) of the universally beloved Bates.  But I’ll shut up about that bad stuff because xmastime with the Crawleys washed away the shame of goofier episodes gone by.  It was THAT good.

First rockin’ development:  After forcefully grabbing her at the goddamned dinner table in front of her FATHER and then whining like a little bitch whilst everyone is out hunting, (and looking fabulous), Mary tells Sir Richard to beat it.  In an honest, heartfelt way.  My sis and father feel tremendous sympathy for Richard Carlisle (they claim he did care for Mary and she was using him) and while I do understand their thoughts, he was just such an unwavering jerkface, that I don’t care.  Get thee ass back to Game of Thrones, where your character is not a douche.  Yes, he “loved” Mary, but to be loved by Sir Richard is to live in a massive, empty house, treat your servants like crap, and get man-handled.  This development led to a marvelous Violet moment, as he explains he won’t be seeing the family again, and she replied, with a twinkle in her eye, “Do you promise?”

Second way-appreciated development:  Robert FINALLY found out about the Pamuk scandal.  And I LOVED. LOVED. LOVED. the heart-to-heart he had with Mary once he knew.  I get it now, the purpose has been shown, as to why my precious Bon Bon was drug through the wringer this season.  So he could make his own mistakes and therefore be understanding of the indiscretions of his spawn.  When he told Mary that he wanted her to marry a man who loved her, and not one who wanted to ruin her, I pretty much burst into tears.

Smaller plot lines get their due (this is what was so great about season 1):  Edith paid a visit to that old fart she wants to marry, Thomas abandoned a labrador retriever in the woods like the true asswipe he is, and Daisy’s William woes were settled.  I was espeically happy about that last one.  The entire William/Daisy marriage-on-a-deathbed just made me so sad, and every time Daisy stomped her feet about hoodwinking a dying man, I felt even yuckier.  I saw both sides of the coin, but who couldn’t?  Every time William’s poor, lonely father came around, spouting how his son loved Daisy with all his heart, I wanted to run out of the room.  I’m so glad Patmore used the Ouija board for good, and Violet’s advice was golden.  Best of all, they were right!  What Daisy was willing to do for her friend WAS love and she needed to stop beating herself endlessly for it.  This story allowed both characters to win – Daisy gets a dad, and sad little man who lost all his children gains a daughter.  Win/Win!

I’m-not-happy-about-this-but-they’re-doing-a-good-job-portraying-it:  Bates and Anna.  Or, Banana, as I like to call them.  Sigh a thousand sighs.  Everybody loved poor Bates in season 1, he was sympathetic, kind, and soooo honorable.  To watch him and Anna fall for each other is what the word “swoon” was created for.  But now, in the wake of his heinous succubus wife surfacing, removing him from the premises, and getting herself fucking poisoned to death, the stoic valet has truly become, as I saw one message boarder state, the “Eeyore” of Downton.  While I love watching Banana scenes, they always leave me frustrated.  I sympathise with someone in a really shite situation, who is helpless, and I am of the belief there wasn’t much he could do in the wake of hurricane Vera.  What I DO KNOW is that he didn’t need to tell the prosecution EVERY INCRIMINATING THING HE EVER SAID OR THOUGHT!  To tell them about the “bitch” incident was preposterous, he didn’t know Mrs. Hughes heard that conversation.  To NOT tell them about the rat poison he purchased, goes against all levels of credulity.  But what takes the cake, is to tell the lawyers that he ONCE TOLD BON BON HE WISHED VERA WERE THE “LATE MRS. BATES.”  Why, Julian Fellowes, why?  This makes NO. SENSE.  Unless of course Bates is a true masochist, and maybe next year we can look forward to some self-flagellation in his prison cell.  Sigh.  Okay, okay, okay, I want to smack myself in the face.  What was great about this episode is that seeing him in prison and watching Anna’s lip quiver every time shit’s about to hit the fan, is devastating to my heart.  Brendan Coyle and Joanne Froggat are such great actors and have such wonderful chemistry, I wish they could date in real life.  The scene where they BOTH cry and try to share their final moments in each others arms = more waterworks.  As well as him asking her to promise him to live her life, even while he’s in the slammer.  I really, really, REALLY fucking hope that season 3 finds Bates exonerated, the aforementioned inn purchased, and some little Bates-bies gettin’ made.

The SERVANTS BALL!:  OMFG, I was literally speaking out loud during this scene, “THAT’S SO CUTE! GAHH!!”  To see the 1% dance with the 99ers warms the cockles of the heart.  When Bon Bon told Matthew he had to dance with O’Brien and he uttered “Crikey,” I slapped my knee in a fit of laughter and vowed to use that word as much as humanly possible.

And finally:  The PROPOSAL!  Outside!  In the SOFTLY SWIRLING SNOW.  Are you serious?  What are you, Downton, BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY?  Oh my god, did all of my internal organs melt into a pool of happiness and satisfaction, when all the lies were laid out and the bullshit set aside, and these two fricking beautiful people who need to get TOGETHER already, admitted their love, proposed/accepted marriage, and SPUN AROUNDDDDDDDDDD together.  As Tom and Lorenzo said in their as-always marvelous recap, we need a Downton snowglobe!

My birthday present to tide me over for a full frigging year

And then, LIKE THAT – it was over.  I have to wait until TWO THOUSAND AND *bangs head against the wall* THIRTEEN?!!!!!

Sigh. Loving things is hard and it hurtsssss.

~Annie

Do That Voodoo That You Do So Well

The boys are back and in full comedic form.  The latest TV series to come from the collective mind of the Gervais/Merchant partnership, Life’s Too Short, debuted this past Sunday on HBO.  The faux documentary stars Warwick Davis as himself, or rather, a fictional version of himself whose wife is leaving him, whose career has stalled out and whose accountant is royally screwing him.  And he has an ego the size of Montana, which is over-inflated to compensate for his extreme insecurity.

Sound at all familiar?  Of course it does.  Davis’s fictional alter ego is reminiscent of David Brent and the buffoon Andy Millman became after briefly achieving success.  His accountant is pretty much the same as Darren, Stephen Merchant’s character in Extras except he’s an accountant rather than a talent agent.  Each episode features a guest star in the form of an A-lister playing an outlandish version of him/herself just as every episode of Extras did.  The thing is, though, at least during this first episode, none of it (with the exception of the incompetent accountant) felt old or played out.  There are enough differences that Davis’s character feels original and those tactics we’ve come to expect of our two favorite British writers do not fail to entertain.

Davis gives an engaging performance and guest star Liam Neeson shines in his short but hilarious cameo.  I think it’s common for comedians, hell for writers and directors of all kinds, to do multiple projects with similar themes.  Clint Eastwood sticks to tragic tales, Sophia Coppola does stories about disaffected young women, Nora Ephron writes romantic comedies, you get the picture.  This kind of dry, ironic comedy centering on an egomaniacal/pathologically insecure character is the signature shtick of Gervais and Merchant.  I think there are enough differences in their projects that they aren’t just regurgitated versions of the same story.  Oh yeah, and Cemetery Junction was entirely different.

If you enjoyed The Office (U.K.) or Extras or the jokes Ricky gave at last year’s Golden Globes (do not go by this year’s performance, it was uncharacteristically tame), watch the premiere of Life’s Too Short.  You won’t regret it.  I didn’t.

~Nikki

FYI: 2012 Academy Awards

Heyyyyy peeps!!!

It’s award season, and time for my yearly pig out and scream at the TV Oscar party.  This year’s promises to be the best yet, and this blog is a big reason why!!!  (Although there’s no way I can accomplish my poor, overly ambitious Oscar goal in time. :()

Since our Golden Globes liveblog was so much fun, and because I L.O.V.E. the Oscars, we’re going to share our thoughts on the broadcast Sunday, February 26th (on ABC), approximately 7:30/8 pm EST.

Join us as we hang with a big group of friends, stuffing our faces with a spread worthy of Clooney et al. (pictures will be provided), and yelling obscenities at the television screen.  Refresh your page every few minutes, to see our thoughts on the night’s festivities.

Hope to see you there!

~Annie