I Love You, Bro Montana

Knocked Wanderlust off my ‘To Watch’ list this weekend and a review is on the way but first, in honor of the OUTSTANDING performance Paul Rudd gave in it – he stole every scene –  I thought I’d compile a list of his funniest roles and their best lines:

1. George, Wanderlust – The entire several minute-long scene in which Rudd gives himself an incredibly bizarre pep talk in an effort to psych himself up for a sexual encounter he does NOT desire.  In it, he speaks with a George W.-like accent and specifically addresses his penis.  It’s the funniest scene I’ve seen since first witnessing Maya Rudolph shit in the street.

2. Peter Klavin, I Love You, Man – There’s honestly too many great lines to list here but I’ll give a few examples: “Totes McGotes.”  “Latress on the menjay!”  And that hilarious impression of a reggae singer that sounded just like a leprechaun.  Priceless.

3. Kunu (Chuck), Forgetting Sarah Marshall – “You sound like you’re from London!”

4. Pete, Knocked-Up – “I want to put you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.”

5. Danny, Role Models – “I bet if I suggested a game of Quidditch he’d cum in his pants.”

6. David, The 40 Year-Old Virgin – “If I hear Ya Mo Be There one more time, I’m gonna Ya Mo burn this place to the ground.”

~Nikki

2012 Academy Awards LIVEBLOG

This is some seriously delicious berry sangria I am drinking

My house is packed, the spread is INTENSE (I wish you all were here, god knows I’ve got enough food for an army), and we’re ready to rant/gush!  Our latest thoughts are at the top of the page.  Hit refresh to keep up with the gab!!

  • 11:46pm That’s it for this year!  Thanks everyone for stopping by!!  Hope you had fun!
  • 11:40m Best speech of the night, hands down, Meryl Streep.  We hail you!!
  • 11:37pm I guess I’d better see The Artist!
  • 11:32pm Meryl Streep: the embodiment of elegance and grace.
  • 11:29pm FINALLY!!!!!!!  Yay!!!!  Meryl Streep!!!!!
  • 11:20pm I think we’ve seen the sternum of every chick in the Kodak tonight.  Well…except Melissa McCarthy.  Thank you, MM, for being a normal woman.
  • 11:18pm What’d I tell ya?  The Artist takes the house.
  • 11:15pm Man, there is some major ass-kissing this year.  Are they still not over getting their feelings hurt at last year’s Golden Globes?  It’s no wonder they have egos the size of small continents.
  • 11:12pm Hosting the Oscars should be Billy Crystal’s job, permanently.
  • 11:10pm No Little Sebastian???  Leslie will not stand for this!
  • 11:07pm R.I.P. Whitney and Colombo
  • 10:58pm I had no idea the Academy fetishized Oprah.  That woman should be elevated to god status already.
  • 10:55pm Aww, Meryl Streep.  Not loving the dress, but she is the epitome of class.
  • 10:53pm Well, that all but seals it, The Artist is gonna take it.
  • 10:44pm Were those coffee beans, or vaginas?
  • 10:42: Well, we’ve got a new drinking game. Why weren’t we doing this all night?!?!
  • 10:39pm OHHHHHHH WIN BRIDESMAIDS! Kristen Wiig looks gorgeous. You know what? They all do.
  • 10:31pm Oh Edward Norton. And Borat, you got blacklisted but you’re still in a montage. I HATE THIS MUSIC.
  • 10:26pm I can see so many of Angelina Jolie’s veins, I want to draw blood from them. And then wear it in a vial around my neck.
  • 10:25pm Angelina Jolie looks like. SHIT. Her elbow will CUT YOU.
  • 10:17pm Zach G is channelling Ron Swanson tonight.
  • 10:11pm Billy Crystal is really doing a bang-up job. Seriously.
  • 10:10pm SNOOZEFEST.
  • 10:08pm Angelina Jolie is HORRIFYING. HORRIFYING.
  • 10:03pm My Oscar party could ONLY be better if Christopher Plummer and Helen Mirren were ACTUALLY HERE in this room.
  • 10:01pm YAY! WHAT a fucking class act!!!! Oh Captain VonTrapp, you are the smoothest operator around.
  • 10:00pm Can’t wait for Christopher Plummer’s unbelievably classy ass speech :)
  • 9:59pm Melissa Leo’s dress is mother of the bride circa 1982.
  • 9:58pm Hopefully Melissa Leo is anti-crazy this year.
  • 9:54pm Is Emma Stone drunk? She’s cute as shit though.
  • 9:43pm I think Madonna and Gwenyth Paltrow are in a competition to see which could make themselves look the most like Gollum.
  • 9:42pm Is RDJ channeling Joaquin Pheonix??  I would totally watch “The Presenter.”
  • 9:39pm Cirque De Soliel, bitches.
  • 9:35pm I Love the Muppets!!!  I became a scientist because of Beeker for god’s sake.
  • 9:29pm  Drinking delicious berry sangria. Mmmm.
  • 9:22pm Bradley Cooper + Tina Fey is wrong.
  • 9:22pm That  focus group bit was great. GREAT.
  • 9:20pm It’s the Christopher Guest gang!
  • 9:15pm What is with the PORN MUSIC.
  • 9:13pm AWWWWWWWWWWWWW THIS IS CUTE X INFINITY standing O for O!
  • 9:10pm I wish Melissa McCarthy would win but it’ll be Octavia Spencer
  • 9:01pm Well, that “first picture I saw” montage was weird but kinda cute. I have no idea what the first movie I saw was.
  • 8:59pm I despise Meryl Streep’s dress. Despise. I’m sorry. Melanie Griffiths is trying to be Joan Rivers, apparently.
  • 8:58pm are you guys SERIOUSLY COMPARING ASSES. Iron Lady, homies I’m 3 for 3 I think…
  • 8:54pm JLO LOOKS LIKE SHE DID IN THE CELL AND HER NIPPLE IS ESCAPING.
  • 8:53pm this montage is SO. CHEESY. But I love it. I’ll have what she’s having.
  • 8:52pm MONTAGE TIME SWOON
  • 8:44pm Damn they’re just firing these off, aren’t they, and why is Tom Hanks BROWN.
  • 8:44pm Cinematography, first? Changin’ things up dawg
  • 8:43pm It’s hard to fill Jennifer Lopez’s seat. OUCH.
  • 8:42pm Billy Crystal has still got it.
  • 8:39pm Chapter 11 theater.  Even the Kodak theater isn’t immune to this goddamn recession.  Ugh.  Maybe all those 1%ers in the audience could do something about that.  Just sayin’.
  • 8:37pm Did you see John Goodman?  Have I ever mentioned I love him?  No, never?  Well, I love him.  Like, LOVE him.
  • 8:35pm I can’t stand watching Billy Crystal eat shit.  I just can’t.
  • 8:33pm Is this the villa???  I love Billy Crystal!!!
  • 8:22pm I love Jess Cagle. Also, I have subscribed to EW for like, 10 years. So, yeah.
  • 8:30pm FUCK NATALIE PORTMAN LOOKS PERFECT. WHYYYYYYYYY
  • 8:15pm We’re having sexy times, apparently. I hate Bullock’s dress.
  • 8:12pm Brad Pitt looks like Legends of the Fall
  • 8:11pm I really, REALLY, REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY don’t get Clooney and Kiebler.
  • 8:03pm Is Bradley Cooper gonna be in Miami Vice?? The fuck?
  • 8:01pm Another war: Nikki claims Cameron Diaz is a butterface, some of us say no. Thoughts?
  • 7:54pm Zach Galifinakis looks so damn cute with his beard. Why does everybody get to lose weight but me? Oh, cause I’m eating cheese curds.
  • 7:53pm NICK NOLTE. WHAT.
  • 7:44pm I’m over Manny. Sorry. Although no one else here is. There is much hate for Annie right now from the Manny lovers.
  • 7:42pm Oh god, just came. Thanks Colin!
  • 7:41pm We are having a battle over Tina Fey’s hair and dress. Some love, some hate. Thoughts?
  • 7:39pm Did Annie Mumolo lose like, a lot of weight? She looks KILLER FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! Woah. As I eat my cheese curds :(
  • 7:37pm A guest of mine just made FRIED CHEESE CURDS AND THEY’RE BLOWING MY MIND!!!
  • 7:36pm Melissa McCarthy fills me with happiness and joy
  • 7:34 What is this mom segment?!! PRECIOUS!!
  • 7:30pm Random tidbit: Ewan McGregor shows his junk constantly in films because he claims that since women are always nakey, he’s trying to make up for it. :) :) :)
  • 7:26pm Viola Davis’s hubby looks like an older Wayne Brady! Her dress: Love the color, not the bust. Even though her tits are rockin’.
  • 7:24pm Ohhhh Octavia Spencer looks gorgeous, as does Jessica Chastain…
  • 7:22pm HI!!!!!

~Annie & Nikki

2012 Oscar Predictions

Voting for the Oscar party tonight, and yep, those are swag bags in the background

 

 

I know you are all waiting, with bated breath, to see what my picks are for this year’s Academy Awards.  I do a ballot pool at my annual party, where you fill out your ballot IN ITS ENTIRETY and toss $5 into a pot.  Whoever gets the most categories right wins the cash.  You should know, I’ve never won (although I usually do OK), but I feel good about my picks this year.  Feel free to use these for your own Oscar pool :)

I don’t have the energy to list every single nominee, so I’m just going to note what’s getting my vote – precisely, what I THINK will win, not what I WANT to win.  There’s a difference. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Costume Design: The Artist
  • Directing: Michael Hazanavicius (The Artist)
  • Documentary Feature: Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory
  • Documentary Short: Incident in New Baghdad
  • Film Editing: The Artist
  • Foreign Language Film: In Darkness
  • Makeup: The Iron Lady
  • Original Score: The Artist
  • Original Song: “Man or Muppet” from The Muppets
  • Animated Short Film: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
  • Live Action Short Film: The Shore
  • Sound Editing: Hugo
  • Sound Mixing: Hugo
  • Visual Effects: Hugo
  • Adapted Screenplay: Moneyball
  • Original Screenplay: Midnight in Paris
  • Cinematography: Hugo
  • Art Direction: Hugo
  • Animated Feature: Chico & Rita
  • Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer in The Help
  • Leading Actress: Viola Davis in The Help
  • Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer in Beginners
  • Leading Actor: Jean Dujardin in The Artist
  • Best Picture: The Artist..

…which I STILL HAVEN’T SEEN! *facepalm, general frustration with life, because the theater nearest me got rid of this movie 2 weeks ago*

~Annie

PS: Check out our liveblog TONIGHT!!  7:30ISH EST!  You know you wish you got invited to a cool Oscar party, but it’s a Sunday night and you don’t want to leave your couch… so don’t…. and come to ours!!

You’re Unbelievable

It’s no secret that I adore nearly every word Jane Austen ever wrote.  Even though I read Persuasion, the last of Austen’s published novels, 4 or 5 years ago, I just got around to seeing the 2007 film adaptation that the BBC produced last weekend.  I had no expectations other than to get lost in the English countryside, the language of long ago and the rigid propriety of traditional British culture.  What I found was a gorgeous piece of cinematography that captured every bit of the charisma, the romance and the suspense of the novel written nearly 200 years ago.  Austen managed (all the while very ill, by the way – she died shortly after finishing Persuasion, before it was even published) to capture yet again the folly of human beings, the absurdity of those members of society who consider themselves innately above others of lesser consequence and the richness of the people in this world who truly rise above such nonsense and make our species worth our salt.

England happened to be on the brink of a social revolution in 1818 when Austen wrote this gem and she made her opinions known in the hero of this tale, Captain Frederick Wentworth.  Wentworth began life in relative poverty and proposed to his beloved Anne Elliot, the daughter of a baronet, shortly before joining the Navy.  Anne’s father insisted she not marry the young Wentworth because of his lack of financial means and, being young and impressionable, Anne allowed him to persuade her to reject him despite her love for him.  More than seven years later, Captain Wentworth has moved up the ranks of the British Navy and made a considerable fortune, establishing himself as a successful, self-made man.  At the time, wealth earned rather than wealth inherited was looked down upon by the aristocracy.  Austen must have thought such a notion ridiculous, since her Captain Wentworth proved on every other page to be an intelligent, honorable man with whom the solemn Anne Elliot was still very much in love, even after a separation of nearly eight years.

When I read this, I, too became smitten with Captain Wentworth.  After seeing the film starring Rupert Penry-Jones as the swoon-worthy naval officer, I fell in love.  Why have I not seen Rupert Penry-Jones before?  Although Mr. Darcy is the finest man ever written, Captain Wentworth is indeed a very close second and Penry-Jones truly did him justice.  I may have even drooled.

I wonder if Austen was able to write such bewitching men like Darcy and Wentworth because she knew similar men (we write what we know, as they say) or if these superb characters were figments of her imagination that perhaps mirrored everything she fantasized about in a man.  Characters like the abominable Edward Cullen of the Twilight series are obviously the adolescent fantasies of bored housewives but men like Darcy and Wentworth, while capable of making the ladies fall head over feet, are characters of substance, not just reflections of every little girl’s knight in shining armor fantasy.  They have flaws, they have egos (as ALL men do), their feelings gets hurt, they hold grudges…but they get over those bruised egos and rise above their flaws and they go after the girl they can’t stand to live without.  And, thanks to Austen, they manage to say all the right things.  If Austen knew no such men in her life on whom to model her characters and instead created these men wholly from her imagination to capture all she thought ideal in a man, at least these were the fantasies of a full-grown, smart, creative and quick-witted woman.

What do you think: could men as insanely irresistible as Mr. Darcy and Captain Wentworth have actually existed?  Or are they nothing more than the Edward Cullens of the 19th century?

~Nikki

P.S. Be sure to tune in during the Oscars tomorrow night for our liveblog!!!