Out Of My League Once Again

After a weirdly interesting conversation with my brother and my husband the other day, during which we discussed the “type,” as in, the type of person to whom one is attracted, I got to thinking: do the men I find most attractive have anything in common?  The answer: definitely.  The vast majority of men I’m most drawn to have dark hair and dark eyes.   Though there are a few exceptions, this is very much my MO.  So few fair-skinned, light-eyed men appeal to me but I couldn’t tell you why that is.  I’ve never had a bad experience with a blue-eyed man that might have biased me toward them.  There is no rational reason for my deterrence.  They’re simply not my cup of tea.  (Usually.)

I admit I find the whole notion of having a type bizarre.  Why should one eye or hair color have such weight anyway?  Why shouldn’t intelligence, sense of humor and shared interests be what attracts one person to another?  Of course, in the long run, those things far outweigh physical attraction.  But the initial “Is she pretty?”/”Is he handsome?” seems to be based on nothing but personal taste, which is founded on what?  Nothing.  Some obscure biochemical reaction in our brains that adheres to no logical thought.

For us women (I’m inclined to think this does not apply to most men), how strong our affection for someone is has almost nothing to do with physical appeal.  On several instances I’ve found myself attracted to a man after I’ve gotten to know him well enough to appreciate his humor and discover we have much in common, even if I didn’t think he was particularly good-looking upon our first meeting.  In fact, sometimes physical attributes may slowly become beautiful after getting to know a person.  I think this is why it’s not uncommon to see a woman who’s very physically attractive with a man who’s less so.  Though I, for one, rarely, if ever, see this situation in reverse.  This is reflected in our media as well.  Countless TV shows showcase a man who is overweight and/or average-looking with a woman in peak physical condition who is prettier than your typical lady.  According To Jim, King of Queens, Modern Family, 3rd Rock From The Sun (Sally & Don), That 70s Show (Bob & Midge), etc.  I loved Rachel & Ross, but do you think David Schwimmer would actually land Jen Aniston?  I think Michael J. Fox is super charming and cute, but in real life, do you think a skinny, relatively short guy like him would get a chick of Locklear caliber?  Even the high school shows portrayed this: Boy Meets World, anyone?  Cory and Topanga, seriously?

And the thing is, I honestly believe that a guy like Ross Geller or Mike Flaherty or Cory Matthews could possibly get one of those girls.  Really, I do.  If they had similar interests and were charming/funny/clever, etc.  But, and mainstream media backs me up here (a show featuring Roseanne Barr married to McDreamy would NEVER happen), finding plain, unattractive women partnered with men hot enough to rival Ryan Reynolds just doesn’t happen.  I’m not making any judgments here.  I don’t know why physical appeal carries less weight with women than with men and I’m not criticizing either gender for it.  I’m simply sharing something I’ve observed to be the truth.  And I’m genuinely interested in your feedback.  Do you think I’m speaking the truth?  Do you know any couples in your personal life who either fit or contradict what I’ve noticed?  Would you buy into a television series featuring a studly man in a relationship with a homely woman?

Tell me what you think.  I really want to know.


7 thoughts on “Out Of My League Once Again

  1. Pingback: I Hope You Choose The One That Means The Most To You | ravingmadscientists

  2. I wonder if it also has to do with the different sex’s desire for partnering. I feel that in general, females want to partner more than males. I’m willing to bet there are more happy male bachelors than happy female bachelorettes. What incentive does a hot guy have for partnering with a less attractive woman, when there is such a large pool of them to choose from that want to partner?

  3. I also have a specific type and always make concessions in the looks department in exchange for things like humor and general badass-ness. Of course, I’m such a woman in so many ways, so this actually supports your hypothesis.

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