But The Wind Goes Right Through You

You know how, after the holidays, you feel exhausted to the point of collapse, bloated and cranky and eager to hibernate for a month or two until the sun returns and the snow melts?  I feel that way right now…and Thanksgiving is still a week away.  I’m tired.  I’m drained.  And the very thought of holiday cheers and mashed potatoes and apple pie makes me want to crawl into bed and pull the comforter over my head.

Why the lack of enthusiasm, you ask?  I’m not entirely sure.  There is no snow to speak of (thank god; I would surely descend into despair if there were), we’re still getting intermittent sunshine and, aside from starting the holiday season 12 lbs heavier than I’d prefer, the reasons for my disdain are unclear.  Even to me.  I guess I’m just not in the mood.

You know, the mood.  The warm, sugary sweet coziness that fills your chest cavity like the innards of a chocolate eclair.  That overwhelming desire to spend hours with your family, people you see every few weeks (or months) usually but of whom now you suddenly can’t get enough.  Their jokes are funnier, their smiles are friendlier, their hugs feel warmer.  You eat and talk and laugh and eat some more and talk for longer, for hours, and feel like regardless of whatever differences you have with these people all year round, right now said differences mean nothing.  They’re family after all and what does that word mean if not that these are the people to whom you belong?  The people who get you, who need no explanations or pretensions, who just like being around you.

This year, though, I don’t feel particularly gotten.  And all the eating and talking and laughing sounds like work to me, energy I could spend sleeping or reading or staring at the newly painted walls of my “home office” wasted on the costly exertion of listening and sharing and smiling and pretending to care about the woes of others.  When all I really want to do is curl up under a blanket with my laptop or my Kindle and pet my dog.

I’m desperate, folks.  It’s time to pull out the big guns.  To watch The Family Stone and A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.  Maybe even Christmas Vacation.  I need something to snap me out of it…or snap me into it, whatever.  Something to remind me why the holidays are worth all the trouble.

Any suggestions?  I need all the help I can get.

Cheers.

~Nikki

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6 thoughts on “But The Wind Goes Right Through You

  1. OK…I LOVE Christmas!!! I LOVE the excitement, the rush, the shopping when snow is gently falling and most people smile back at you. I LOVE the tinkle of the Salvation Army bells and keep $1 bills in my coat pocket in case I see one. Thanksgiving is fantastic. The family, the food, that wonderful feeling of warmth with loved ones. This only works when the celebration is kept to nuclear size. Once you bring in aunt, uncles, cousins and in-laws the warmth is spread a little too thin and it can become a “just let it be over” event. I agree that all the Christmas crap before T-day is horrible and diminishes the holiday by turning it into a 3 month circus. I DO enjoy Christmas music a little before and during T-day because it brings that holiday feeling and there are not a whole lot of songs about Thanksgiving, how many times can you listen to “Over the River and Through the Woods”? As much as I can hardly contain the joy this season brings me, every year I get a little more tired. The excitement has not diminished one single bit but the energy has. I used to have to be forced to wait til after T-day to put up the tree, now, I don’t know that we really HAVE to put up a tree, but I guess we should. My energy has been drained by work, traffic, the news, work, etc. I seem to have lost the enthusiasm for decking the halls but not for the thrill in my chest when I think about Christmas. Every year I drag out fewer decorations but I am beginning to
    need them less. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the holidays not the stuff. I am too tired for the stuff… that’s all.
    The other part that effects us more than we might realize is SAD. If you live anywhere like Northeastern Ohio, the handfull of sunny days we get in the summer is replaced by the cold, grey gloom of November. It feels so good to embrace the gloom and wallow in it and want to pull the covers over your head but the toll is fatigue and misery. I guess this all boils down to I LOVE this time of year but I am so tired

    • Kayty, I miss you!! I also love all the magic of Christmas…it’s just taking longer for me to get into the spirit this year. Family drama and crap like that wearing me down, you know. And I think you’re right about SAD. The fact that it’s pitch black at 5pm now makes me want to hibernate so badly. I’ll never get used to it.

      You know what would help me get into the holiday spirit…some eating/drinking and shopping for children’s toys, perhaps? Hint, hint. 🙂
      ~Nikki

  2. Jesus Nina, you are gonna have to guest blog on here. Excellent comment, dahhling. I was in Macy’s in OCTOBER and they had the xmas decor up. It felt forced and cheapened. Xmas decor in stores AFTER THANKSGIVING never feels cheap to me. It feels right. But regardless, driving past people with their decorations ALREADY UP AND ALL NEAT AND CLEAN LOOKING makes me want to cry in my bathtub at my incompetence of life. Why can’t I be like them and have everything done and nice and lovely? This is why I hate the holidays: it forces even more guilt on me than my normal day-to-day existence does. Sigh.
    ~A.

  3. Oh man this is intense work! See, you’ll hate me because I happen to be a “holiday lover”. Perhaps because my birthday falls 3 days before Jesus’. That’s a possibility, right? And I also love snow *ducks and hides from your left hook*. WIth that being said, allow me to offer a little assistance: Don’t watch Family Stone. Barf. Decent movie but its depressing in the end. Christmas Vaca is a MUCH better choice because most of us can relate to SOMETHING in that movie. “She’ll see it later dear, her eyes are frozen”. One of my favorite parts is when Helen lights up in the kitchen and her mother says “Helen are you smoking again?!” in that wretched voice. “Nooo!” Helen says as she judo chops a head of lettuce with a massive machete-like knife.

    I don’t know where I’m going here. On Christmas day my family goes to my grandfather’s house. He’s a narcissist. Seriously. Not enough time in a day to go into that. Anyway, I have to pretend to be excited to be there, although there’s never enough wine to get through it. Then there’s my aunt….with her incessant highschool-like giggling and demeanor. Let’s not forget her completely diluted and materialistic outlook on life. Blah.Sometimes I sit there and don’t say anything, just watch people’s expressions. My own personal case study for a F-ed up italian family.

    Aside from that misery, however. Thanksgiving is my most favorite holiday, and perhaps you’ll be feeling more chipper once it gets here. Why my favorite? There’s no expectations. No gifts, no singing, no decorations (at least not at my house), no real depressed feeling afterward. Bloated, yes. That’s a given girl and you can’t get away from that. But what pisses me off more than anything around Thanksgiving? That fat bastard Santa invading everything WAY TOO EARLY. It’s like…Target puts halloween shit on clearance a week before it’s even here. Then after it’s passed, BOOM! Santa shits tinsel and ornaments everywhere! He should wait his damn turn. Jesus waits! It’s not like people are playing with advent candles right after Halloween. If Jesus has to wait, so does Santa. Just sayin. Afterall, the turkey should get some recognition.

    Last but not least, in response to A’s comment about Christmas music. What insane kind of bullshit is that? Why do I need to heard “Chestnuts Roasting By An Open Fire?”….IT’S NOT EVEN DECEMBER. AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE A FREAKIN FIREPLACE. LAST I CHECKED? JACK FROST ISN’T HERE YET!

    In other words, don’t feel too bad, you’re not entirely alone. But don’t be a grinch. Hey! That’s a great movie for you to watch too. You’ve got time to “get into the holiday spirit”, so don’t stress.

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