I’m a notorious list-maker. In fact, every day, my need to make lists grows exponentially because the more I rely on the lists, the less my brain is able to retain any sort of thoughts. This perpetuates the need to create lists, for if I do not, things would NEVER get done – the ideas would be lost forever. I’ve got lists for everything: To do each day, to read, movies to watch, gift ideas to buy for friends/family, to buy for myself, bills to pay, things I lent to people that I need back one day, it’s endless.
One of my favorite lists is my Netflix queue. Why do I even have a Netflix account?, I ask myself, because I rarely use it. I’ve had Barney’s Vision since September 12th. I almost never stream, even tho I have a Blu-ray player that does that for me. Two reasons I pay that bill each month: I REFUSE to use Redbox, and to keep my beloved queue (Which is maxed out, ALWAYS). So, I pay almost $20 a month for a fancy list of all the movies I want to see, and to track how many stars I rate films I’ve seen, since my ability to memorize if I even like a movie is diminishing as well.
My goodreads.com account grows exponentially, on a weekly basis. Any time I hear of a book I’d like to read, BAM, to the t0-read list! Yet how much do I actually read? Only when I’m going to sleep each night. I’ve been on the same page of Game of Thrones for a month, since I fall almost immediately asleep after reading one sentence. This also allows for my Kindle to smash into my face. Every. Single. Night.
My DVR memory is loaded up with films I’ve recorded that I’ve yet to watch, and I’m usually a week behind on TV shows. I actually refused to leave my house this past weekend so that I could catch up on all that stuff. You know, STUFF THAT DOESN’T MATTER. (FYI: Mission accomplished!)
I’m to the point now where I retain almost nothing that I consume. So consuming is becoming tiresome and my attention span dies a little more every day, which means I am now devoted full-time to just recording a list of all the things I want to watch, read, see and do, without actually MAKING THESE THINGS HAPPEN. It’s a really heinous cycle, that I feel powerless to break. Am I entering into the early stages of Alzheimer’s? Am I a victim of the ever-changing times, where there’s more than EVER EXISTED BEFORE to consume, and my OCD-tending personality is overcome with the massive quantities of content, forever doomed to be lost adrift a sea of entertainment I’ll never get to experience?
And what about the joy to be had from RE-WATCHING things that you love? There’s nothing like watching Clueless for the 987th time, or The Wedding Singer, or any other number of silly (or serious) films that you hold dear to your heart. There’s something about relaxing on a Sunday afternoon with a close-friend-of-a-film, and how is there time to DO that, when you have to watch the 500+ films in your queue? Or read the 200+ books in your to-read list? Or watch the 65 hours backlogged in the DVR memory? And this doesn’t include going to work, visiting family, not being a hermit, grocery shopping….
To conclude this foray into crazy, another of my detrimental personality traits is serious hypochondria. I’m usually convinced I’ve got a lurking blood clot, or a dormant deadly virus, or any other unbelievably ridiculous yet entirely possible happenings; so as of late I often wonder, “Holy shit, if I drop dead, I’ll never finish these lists.”