Today, my friends, I share with you one of my most favorite items that exists in the internetverse: The SOUNDBOARD. I was introduced to this magical instrument during the summer of 2001, whilst I worked as a flagger girl on the road crew for the college program my county’s engineering department ran. Kids work every summer, doing menial road tasks, all while getting a tan, being outside ALL DAY, having a 3 day weekend (every weekend), and bonding with the full timers who (for the most part) were hilarious and kind and bad-ass. Our favorite radio station that summer endlessly played prank phone calls that involved using Arnold Schwarzenegger soundbites from various films. Easily one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever heard. We soon discovered that there existed online websites that hosted actual soundboards of the various bites. Hours of entertainment folks, hours. Next, we began talking to each other in Arnold-speak. I can no longer look at the man without hearing him (and all of my former co-workers) screaming “STOP IT!!” or “You…..sonuvabitch”
Last year, after discovering a soundboard dedicated to the massive defecation/amazement-fest that is The Room, my love was rekindled. If you’ve never messed with a soundboard, but love movie quotes and spout them constantly, you need to do some button-pushing. And PS: They pretty much have a soundboard for everything that is awesome.
Here are four of my favorite soundboards. Clicking on the screen cap will take you straight to the motherlode. Eat up!
1. Ahhhnold – I LOVE THIS. It’s almost impossible to pick favorites from this trove but some that I adore are: “STOP WHINING.” “It’s turbo timeee!!” “My CPU is a neural net processor. A learning compooooter”
2. The Room – If you’ve never heard of The Room, clicking on gems like “You’re tearing me APART LISAAAAA!!!!” or “I DEFINITELY have breast cancer.” will have you yearning for the context from whence they came.
3. Mel Gibson, aka CrazyTrain – Oh Mel. I used to want to have babies with you. (Forever Young-era) Now, if I saw you on the street, I would run for my life, for fear that you’d put me “in the fucking rose garden.” These are too spectacular/terrifying/batshit to even be believed.
4. Tommy Boy – One of my all-time favorite comedies, Tommy Boy is overflowing with amazing quotes. “Jo Jo the idiot circus boy!” and “I was checkin’ the specs on the… end-line for the… rotary… gurter” are basically part of my normal vocabulary.